ECHOS, WHEN THEY CALL

By Dennis Edwards
Columnist

I’ve come to recognize how what can be seen as echos in casual conversations are sometimes more revealing, more important than the reason for the call. A secular definition of an echo is “a series of sounds caused by the reflection of sound waves from a surface back to the listener.” Where people are concerned they can amplify anything on the surface of our minds and deeper emotions from footsteps in a hallway to the feelings of those closest to us and those who wish to grow closer.

In this case I’m thinking about what might be best described as echos in the deeper meanings of casual conversation, minor pleasantries and after thoughts. The things we expect and don’t expect people to say before we exchange good byes. The residue of kindness, so to speak, that should never be underestimated in substance and meaning. Especially when it comes to things said between fathers and sons or fathers and daughters in key moments.

A few weeks ago I shared with you the joy and wonder of a renewed relationship with my son Justin Dennis after 14 years apart. What I didn’t write about at the time was the end of one of his calls. A poignant moment I was left to ponder with growing appreciation for its power and profound simplicity. A moment still ringing in my mind’s ear.

At the end of one conversation I said, “Thank you for calling”. Without hesitation Justin said, “Thank you for answering”. It was one of those magic moments that kind of softly ricochets through the conscious and subconscious. A simple answer revealing what could have been a possible fear I wouldn’t pick up. Yet, there were deeper meanings in the tone and tenor. We’d talked through the easiest and more sticky issues that sometimes litter the landscape where fathers and sons abide. Then came the moment for reluctant goodbyes when gratitude takes centerstage.

“Thank you” is a powerful phrase. It can make right the pain of feeling unappreciated or stop an argument before it gets started. But more importantly, the phrase redefines the moment. Turns fear into relief, uncertainty into certainty.

When I said thank you for calling, there was an acknowledgement of the chance he took in reaching out after so many years. How was he to know my state of mind or I to gauge his? But a few things occurred to me in that moment that might be helpful to fathers, sons and daughters in various situations.

R.J. Smith said “Nothing beats a failure like a try”. So take the chance at reconciliation. Yield to what the church folks used to call “The Unction of the Holy Spirit”. Or as Nike might say “Just Do It”. Combine the two and see what the Lord does next.     

I wish more people would take a chance on reconciling. A chance on calling an end to years of estrangement, embracing the potential for an even better relationship from now on. “Gratitude is the quality of being thankful, the readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness.” Perhaps that realization causes me to linger in the presence of my sons response. He said “Thank You For Answering”. Answering his call, his attempt to reach out and talk, with an implied desire to work through the past in renewed relationship. To tell me how he felt and hear my side of the story he’d never heard. Takes courage to do that.

Next time, why not answer that call in a spirit of gratitude. Take on the questions with honest answers laced in kindness. Allow for the clearing of a slate left cluttered far too long, eliminate obstacles, just clear the way for honest resolution of misunderstandings and misinformation. Let sons or daughters respectfully say what troubles them so deeply. What they can’t get beyond. Then help them begin that process with kind, candid responses that help them in their healing processes. Misconceptions are corrected at the feet of gratitude. Misrepresentations flutter and fall in the presence of kind souls who love each other more than they love their grievances.

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When children reach out, answer honestly, knowing what you say can make all the difference in how they ultimately feel about themselves. Make feeling good about themselves and truthfully getting you back easy for them.

Dennis Edwards is a Major Market Emmy and Virginia Associated Press Broadcasters Award-Winning T.V. and WRVA Radio News Anchor, Investigative Reporter, Columnist and Pastor. He is a graduate of Virginia Union University and its Samuel Dewitt Proctor School of Theology)

Copyright June 2024